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Terri

I’m going to expand the News section to include a selection of industry blogs. These don’t have to be updated as frequently as those I carry as News - just once every week or two is fine. I’ll also create a profile page for you on the site, where I’ll keep a list of your most recent entries.

If you’re interested, drop me a line and I’ll set you up.

Terri

Southern Pines, North Carolina-  After finishing up our Screaming O event in Athens, Georgia we went to Pure Gold in Southern Pines, leaving the warm weather and college students for the cooler temperatures and golf communities of North Carolina. On our trusty steed we traveled all day and made it just in time to watch the rerun of the Olympics and drink about five vodka and ginger ales.

People appear to be under the impression that because we work this job, we sleep until noon, wake up, smoke a cigarette and go to work where we drink all night and then repeat the whole thing all over again the next day. Good thing we really wake up at about 8:30 and get going with writing, working, phone calls, errands and workouts because housekeeping felt the need to knock on the door EVERY morning at about 9AM. However, breakfast was delicious every morning. 

Being unfamiliar with an area, but still having to get things done can be difficult. Inevitably there is some bizarre rule or way of doing something, which is unique to that area. This week it was tanning. Not wanting to be Vitamin D deficient (of course) we found the local tanning place which was close (this club did a good job of putting us in a great location) and paid full price for a tan that could not excel beyond two minutes because we were not from North Carolina. Didn’t matter that I am from Texas, I rarely burn and I had JUST come from Florida where the sun perpetually parks. North Carolina said, “We know what’s best for your body”. I was so glad I had this governmental management or else who knows what kind of shenanigans I could have gotten into at that tanning salon.

In our ubiquitous quest to view beautiful bodies, which is the real reason we do this job, well, that all the respect that comes along with it, our journey lead us to Pure Gold in North Carolina, where the golf courses are many and the buffets are plenty The stage and the ladies were great in this club. Not only were the women striking but the stage was huge. While I was in between shows, I began to film for our pilot and conduct interviews for our radio show with some of the dancers who were getting ready. I was in the dressing room when I looked over and saw this girl fixing her make-up. As she bent over the counter to get closer to the mirror to apply her eyeliner, I observed she had the most perfectly round butt. It looked exceptional in her tight purple dress. I mentioned it to Tony off-handedly later on before the next show. After the kickass show, where Tony did his thing and made a party happen, we headed on the floor to sign autographs and sell promo. Suddenly Tony says, “That’s her isn’t it?” I never told him who she was or what she was wearing, all I said was that I saw this girl who had a great butt. Tony never misses a good butt I am learning.

While the ever-achieving Olympians completed their fourteen-day competition, while the healthcare debate disputed in Blair house (?) and killer whales surprised everyone by actually killing, I had a great time learning about the area and performing in this club. Now, I didn’t get the flowers in the dressing room like ALL of their other clubs do, but Jerry Reid Jr. was there to visit and say “hello”. It’s always nice to meet an owner and visit face-to-face. 

Next week it is on to Déjà Vu Showgirls in Tampa, Florida for the Screaming O Event. Can’t wait to see who has the best “O Face” in Tampa.

Athens. Georgia- Ever have that feeling that you get of perpetual insecurity when you are driving and it begins to get dark and the roads get smaller and more desolate and it ends up being just you and one other car, which remains behind you for miles? I always have that feeling when my GPS leads me to an event in a city or town I have never been to. One thing I have learned in my travels is that major places and events can have dirt roads leading to them. Last week Tony and I hosted a Screaming O event in Athens, Georgia with the Girls Gone Wild crew at Sexy Suz Adult Store’s one-year anniversary.

Recently Tony and I have had more gigs in which we host events for the Screaming O, one of the top novelty product companies. And the people in Athens, Georgia really blew it up. Suz, the owner who was indeed “sexy”, had the best staff. Tali, her top seller knew everything about every product in the store. We even blind-folded her and told her what we wanted and she still found it, and THAT is a dedicated employee. Lindsey was our helper for the event and she became our wingman instantly, even setting up the photographers Wesley and Brian to take photographs and film with our video camera. I couldn’t believe the enthusiasm and generosity that they extended towards us, although I could easily get used to it. And it didn’t stop there, Charles, Suz’s husband and marketing strategist who constructed the whole advertising blitz, treated everyone to dinner at a great sushi restaurant. Yes… I could definitely get used to being treated like this at every gig, oh well, eventually we have to go back to the clubs.
 
 Sexy Suz had a live radio remote all day along with the Girls Gone Wild Bus parked out in front and Tony and I inside getting the best Screaming O face from everyone who came in. The diversity of the people that came into the store made me think about all of the faux outrage that some portray against these establishments. With all of the before hand marketing and advertising along with the radio, us and GGW the store had a record day in sales. I guess advertising really does work when it’s done right.

Later we picked up some sexy girls from the Top Dawg bar and crowded onto the Girls Gone Wild bus to head around town. As the gliding billboard bus cruised through campus the attention we received varied from location to location. The campus loved it, especially the frat houses which raised their drinks and waved. Cars honked as we parked at the Varsity, a popular diner spot. In front of the Laundromat and mall, not so much until a father brought his three little boys up because they “… had to see what a Girls Gone Wild girl looked like.” She looks like that same girl you see pretty much everywhere. Ironically, while we were on the GGW bus touring, we saw the GGW crew twice.

After that it was time to get back to the Top Dawg bar for the main event, the Screaming O Show. Tony has made this show famous worldwide, with it appearing both on mainstream television’s The Bad Girls Club and the CBS Morning Show, so everyone was really anticipating the event. We were informed that this was a “liberal” area for Georgia so there wouldn’t be any problems, but I know that no matter how “liberal” the place seems, the police and moral majority are not. So it was only a matter of a few hours before the police made the GGW bus, which was parked in front of Top Dawg, move and then the police just sat in front of the bar. One day they will learn that there are other more urgent real violent things to deal with other than a Screaming O event.

Top Dawg treated us like royalty the whole time we were there, another reason why we love these events.  Before the show we got everyone fired up by throwing Screaming O product, which the company generously sent plenty of, and people went nuts for it. It didn’t matter if it was a vibrator being thrown to a crowd of guys, they acted as if I was throwing them the actual girl who would use that.  When the event started it went so well that the crowd was almost uncontainable, but the bar didn’t disappoint with the security and Bradford and his friends had everything under control. Tony, always being quick with a mic in his hand, knew the perfect way to balance the excitement of the frenzy while he kept things rolling. The bar owner noticed the difference a good emcee makes when it comes to hosting an event. The ring master did his thing and the bar also had a record night despite the fact that they were one of seventy bars all crammed in to an area of a few blocks.

With the whirlwind of the Screaming O event over, we are off to our next booking in Southern Pines to the Pure Gold Club. I can’t believe I am saying this, but Athens, Georgia will be a tough act to follow, but I have confidence that this golfing community is the perfect town to do it. Come on Southern Pines, watcha got?!

Ybor City, Florida- In typical winter form, the whole Northeast was covered in one of the worst snow storms on record and the south, in their mild weather conditions carried on with business as usual. It’s considered a cold front in the south if the temperature drops into the forties, which causes the true southerners to bundle up in their winter attire and cover their plants anxiously while the northern transplants walk around in t-shirts and shorts commenting on the lovely weather. Perhaps the northern states should take a hint form the south and do what they do best in the winter…party. New Orleans, the child of the Greek god Party and Greek goddess All Night Long, ushered in an early Mardi Gras with their Superbowl Champions, the Saints. Rather than compete openly with their own Superbowl or Mardi Gras, a similar celebration exist in Tampa before each of these events called Gasparilla.

Gasparilla is an annual event held in Tampa, Florida, which is loosely based on a Spanish pirate Jose Gaspar who operated in Southwest Florida. No one participating in this event can really explain the story or myth behind the celebration, much like the participants of Mardi Gras, but everyone is more than ready to celebrate. It’s as if people have woken up from their hibernation with a veracious craving prepared to sink their teeth into the next party. We followed Tony Batman as he got ready to roll with a group of friends.

The night began with parking, which s always a challenge, consist of actually finding a parking spot and then paying some stranger $50 to park somewhere that, on any other day, would be worth nothing. Next, the group wondered through the crowd looking for the perfect space to cross the street. If anyone has been to a parade, they know of the Gestapo that waits and watches for people who cross in front to the floats. So they did it anyway, and it was a no-brainer that one boy could not stop five men. Suddenly someone yells, “Hey, Tony,Dan, Derrick!” And there stood Luis, a d.j. whom they knew from work, “Come on!” Luis beckoned for us to join him on a parked float. “Have a drink!” We all stood enjoying our tasty beverages and watched the floats as they passed by. Without warning, the float we were on abruptly lunged forward. Everyone began to head upstairs to the top level. From the view on top, the gate to the street opened and our float entered the parade. Tony grabbed a handful of beads and began to throw to a cheering crowd. Suddenly, we were a part of the parade, which by the way, was the best view.

The concentration of Pirate dressed crowds packed the streets with obviously enthusiastic cheers. These parades are an opportunity for people to have unadulterated fun with role-playing and costumes, a chance to be whatever fantasy they like and let loose.  Out of the blue someone yelled “Everyone duck!” Since the parade route was on an actual street, the hazard of being hit in the head with a traffic light was ever present. As the float passed through the street, Tony and his unexpected krewe threw beads while Luis kept the mood high with his music.  It was amazing to see how fast a box of beads could disappear, especially when the pace slowed and Tony ended up in front of a balcony full of women.

The route ended far too early and it was as if the float crossed an imaginary line and Luis had to immediately stop his music. It was like a cop just busted up a party, which was kind of what they did. “Everyone off the float.” Tony, Derrick, Dan, Manu, and the rest of the group had a VIP reserved in a bar down the street. In all of the passion and gusto of the bead throwing, they forgot to jump off at their stop, the whole reason for being there. So through the “No Fun Zone” they walked. Derrick was walking telling a story to Tony when a cop interrupted him saying, “You can’t walk this way”. Pay no mind to the fact that there was a group of about thirty people all walking on the same street. “C’mon retard! Get on the other side!” Sadly, this Florida parade lacked a tolerant police force.

Finally, Team Tony made it to the original destination and took their spot from atop on a balcony, thanks to their French entrepreneur friend Manu. It was there that the crowds began to gather and chant “Show your tits!”. Once again the police appeared, this time in large groups of fifteen to twenty, for boob watch patrol.  Of course, it is a delicate balance to determine what is fun and what is violent, but we have hope that Gasparilla will take a que from their sister city New Orleans and become more lax and less like a crochety grandparent.

The night of excitement ended at a local pizza joint before the krewe made their way back to the car in the $50 parking spot, which by now was worth nothing again. Hanging with Tony, one never knows what to expect. While the journey started with just going to a bar, the adventure ended up on a float in the parade and a run-in with the police before making the final destination. One would imagine everyday is an adventure with this group.

Albuquerque, New Mexico- As we drove out of the Grand Canyon State, it took about a half hour drive to go from sun and dry to overcast, cold and snow. We stopped at a rest stop and while I was waiting for Tony, an older couple came out and asked where I was headed. I told him New Mexico and he began to tell me that he and his wife had come from Sedona. “Watch out for the cops. I think Flagstaff should be clear for passing”, he said. It was amazing that in less than one hour I went from warm and sun to cold and snow-covered highways.

Ever since I first drove out to the West Coast, I have been in love with the Western part of the country. I remember driving to Las Vegas from Texas and taking I 10. I was stopped at two checkpoints and asked several questions similar to if I was crossing the border into another country. This time, we weren’t stopped but instead they had police vehicles with tall poles mounted to roof with a camera on top of that. My mild paranoia was heightened at this image and I wondered, what are they doing? I am often bothered by the Big Brother direction our country has turned, but it is going beyond, “this is what we have to do to be safe” and heading more towards peering into each and everyone of our vehicles. I should have grabbed a picture of them taking a picture of me. I guess it isn’t enough to have every stoplight armed with a camera, we now need manned police vehicles with them.

Before I digress too far and begin a tirade on the abuse of our civil liberties, I’ll move on for the benefit of the readers. This week started off with my birthday. I have had to work on most my past birthdays and this was the first one I had off and it rocked! I didn’t care what time I got up that day, I was in NO rush to do ANYthing, I didn’t have to go to work that day, Tony didn’t work on the computer (most of the day, he cracked at the end) and I was going to eat whatever I wanted and NOT workout. I wanted to see Avatar so we paid our $15 ticket (are ya’ll sure we’re in a recession?). I sat down in my chair in the movie theatre holding on to my extra large popcorn and extra large Mr. Pipp. The whole experience was so refreshing. I finished up the day with two huge pieces of cake and Tony succumbing to his computer work.

We started off this week’s gig by going to the wrong club. And on our way to the club we drove past a car that was on fire on the side of the road. I mean flames shooting out of all four doors fire. Ignoring this bad omen we went from T.D.’s Showclub with a packed parking lot to Fantasy World with a less than packed parking lot. So we did what we always do and made a party happen anyway. It turns out our performances were going to be between two clubs, with a promotional visit to the third, the busy one. We met the manager, d.j., and helper, named D.J., T.J. and R.J. (yeah, I’m serious). R.J. was the best helper we have had to date. He was there at the club ready to go about an hour before we got there, he drove us where we needed to go, made sure we had drinks, got the promo table ready, knew the local good eating spots and little tid bits about Albuquerque, like the fake mountain that has missiles built into so when there is a threat the tops of the mountains are blown off to reveal the missiles underneath. That was the second omen.

Determined to stay on our healthy diet, Tony and I always find two things in each city, a gym and a salad bar. Each carries it’s own adventure as we mingle with the locals yet everyone knows you are the foreigner. Apparently we found, THE gym in Albuquerque. When you workout regularly you notice when are the peak times and peak days of working out, so we try to avoid those times. We did and it didn’t matter, this place was packed all the freakin’ time. It was like being in a sweaty crowd headed towards Mecca. Then we went to the salad bar, my life sounds so glamorous, right? Right before we pulled in to the parking lot, two school buses arrived. Tony had a look on his face like someone just told him he was going to pay for all those kids. “Let’s just try it” I said. We walked in…. and we walked out. So we found another salad bar, which our trusty helper R.J. mentioned and had salad.

Keeping a close eye on the weather all week, we noticed it started behind us, then was on top of us, then ahead of us as it moved perilously across the country. This drama has followed us on our sixteen-week tour, but we have been lucky to avoid it…until now. Today we head to Florida for our two million mile drive into the frigid air. I can’t wait for the warm Florida sun.

Ladies and gentlemen, in my quest to become more involved in the industry, I have jumped in head first and embraced ALL facets of the industry and it lead me straight to my first porn set!

We drove through the driving rain and the partly flooded winding roads towards the museum type home that was rented for the shoot that day. As we parked the car in the narrow driveway, knowing we would be blocked in soon, Tony and I stepped into the house. Lee, the make-up Wizard, was transforming a petite, laid-back British girl into a United Kingdom bombshell. The former Club Jenna contract star looked over and gave a heavy accented “Hello.” God, I could listen to her say anything, I thought. The director Chris Streams (check name) sat relaxed in the “director’s chair” (it really was a director’s chair), calmly observing everyone in the room. Being that I was the fish out of water here, I didn’t know what to expect. The mellow relaxed mood that the others felt was a stark contrast to my nervousness.   This was to be McKenzie’s first big interracial scene and you would have thought it was mine with how goofy I acted and felt. Just sit down and be quiet, I thought to myself. Right at that moment Tony said, “Didn’t you have some questions for McKenzie?” Oh yeah, right. Get a grip, girl.  “Hey McKenzie. Can I ask you a couple of questions while you finish getting ready?” She smiled “Okay, go ahead, sweetie. Ask me anything.” She began to undress, “Oh, I forgot my lotion. Lee do you have some? Thanks” She was naked by then and began to lather lotion on herself. UUHHHHH. I felt like a guy must feel when he approaches a beautiful woman and tries to talk to her. I have been around plenty of nude people and I even won Miss Nude Entertainer of the Year two year in a row and here I was feeling very aware that she was naked and wow, were her breast massive. Can you tell this is my first time? Miss Lee was very easy-going and I began to relax simply from the energy she gave off.  She continued to answer my questions while Chris buttoned her up in an ivory corset. It was an ironic site to see this masculine man delicately putting this very feminine piece of clothing on such a petite-framed woman. Just a funny note in my head.  “Okay I’m ready”, she stated and then her nymph-like form waltzed to the door. I looked at Tony. That was our que. On to the den.

We all moved to the den, I think it was the den, there were about twelve rooms in that place that could have classified as a den. The still photos for the box cover came first. McKenzie’s experience and professionalism were apparent as she posed skillfully. During the photos her nipples kept popping out and it didn’t matter how many times she tucked her massive breast back in, her nipples popped right back out like disobedient children (didn’t really bother anyone as you could imagine). My favorite pose was when she sat on top of the pool table on all fours with her rear up in the air and her head lowered, her hair was so thick and full of curls that just fell over her head. She looked so sexy and inviting. It was a great visual, plus that is my favorite sexual position.

Like I said, this was McKenzie Lee’s first interracial scene and it finishes with a pop shot by five black guys.  All of the actors were there patiently waiting for their time to come, while Mr. Marcus would perform the main part of the feature exclusively with Lee. I looked out the window at the infiniti pool thinking So, how does this work? Do they perform in timed segments, or do they just go?  Then I heard “Okay let’s do this. Quiet everyone, rolling!” Wait, wait, are they filming?! Where am I supposed to look? Can I look? I must have looked pretty bug-eyed because Tony said  “Do you want to go?” “No. I’m good. Um, am I supposed to look? Should I look somewhere else”, I said. “They don’t mind if you look. That’s why they’re making the movie.” I’m lucky I have such a patient man. I got control of my “deer in the headlights” look and watched. Then I looked away real quick. Stupid catholic guilt. I looked again. Can you tell this is my first time? My first look at my first porn was McKenzie Lee giving Mr. Marcus an incredible blowjob.  I was intrigued. It’s kind of like a train wreck…you can’t look away. They were so in synch. They were so believable. They were good actors.  As the intensity increased the positions changed. They were on the pool table, from the pool table to the couch, from the couch to the floor, from the floor back to the pool table. The air began to have a thick intensity to it that was literally palpable. Wow, this is way more fun than watching it on a tape, I thought. My favorite point of the filming came when Mr. Marcus wrapped his arm around Lee and swung her petite frame off of the pool table and on to his waist in one movement without them ever breaking motion and she began to ride him. That’s a neat trick, I mused. From her beginning when she won “Best New Starlet”, it was obvious that the subsequent years were used to polish her talent because I totally bought that she was enjoying herself. You go McKenzie with your first interracial scene!

Honestly, by this point I no longer felt strange watching. The odd part came when I had to use the restroom. This meant that I had to walk across the room, through the set as the five guys were “preparing” for their “shot”. I tried to navigate a path through the maze of penises when I heard “I wouldn’t walk that way if I were you”. Everyone laughed and I am sure I turned red. Can you tell this is my first? I tripped and bumped into lights and looked like a newborn gazelle that’s just learning to stand up and walk. I compare it to Alice in Wonderland with Lee Bang stroking himself and looking at me like the caterpillar on the mushroom saying, “Who are YOU?” I looked at myself in the mirror before I left the restroom. Okay, don’t run into any penises. Got it? Now, I was back next to Tony and he looked at me “You were braver than me” he smirked. Even with the unfamiliarity of it all, there was a light-hearted and well-organized atmosphere in which everyone was had a job to do and they did it. Even the new guys did their job, which I hear doesn’t always run smoothly. I was learning all kinds of stuff that day.

Tony stood in the garage smoking a cigarette and looked at the now blocked in car. “Well, what did you think of your first porn set?” he asked. Scary, crazy, odd, bewildering, bizarre, peculiar, educating, insightful, thrilling! I slowly looked at Tony and calmly asked, “So when are we going to our next porn?”

In summation, here is my interview with McKenzie and I really wished I had recorded it, because she has the most charming accent.

How long have you been doing adult movies?

Since I was 22 yrs old. I took a break for three years to have kids. Your body changes after you have kids. I am not as flexible as I was before. But I’m back and this is going to be my year. 

What is it about this movie that made you want to do it?

I wanted to do something different. I knew that I wanted to work with Chris Streams because I know his reputation and I knew he would show me in a light that I wanted to be seen in. Chris uses great stuff, expensive, nice clothing…and since it is my first interracial scene, I wanted it to be good.

Okay, so you’re about to do the scene. What kind of thoughts are going through your head right now?

I’m really excited. I’m really nervous. I get these nervous butterflies in my stomach, which is cute, right? I get the same thing whenever I dance. It reminds me of when I won “Best New Starlet” at AVN. I was blown away, I mean really shell-shocked. I was literally shaking so bad of nerves, I barely even heard them say my name. (I wish you could hear her cute accent, because when she says the word “literally” it sounds like “litrally”). I have known Chris for years and I feel comfortable with him, so it feels kind of like working with a best friend. It’s a big day in my career.

Everyone remembers their “first time”. Subsequent to this first time, we have clumsy times, not-good times,  hot times, and more experienced times, but no matter what happens in the future, we always remember the “first-time”. This was my first time at the AVN/AEE show and I am sure it will be committed to memory. 

We arrived in Las Vegas after a two-day drive, in which Tony’s phone was lost in Albuquerque, New Mexico, we stopped for coffee about seventy-six times, BUT we never got lost. Now, I am no Sacajawea, but this time we turned off the GPS and used the antiquated Atlas and it worked. We made into Vegas and it only cost us an iPhone to get there.

The first day of the AEE began and it felt like we were making a trip to Mecca with how far we had to walk to get to the convention. You get on the elevator, you get off the elevator, you take the escalator, you go up the stairs, you turn right, you turn left and proceed down a hallway the size of a football field (hang in there you’re half way there), you go down the stairs, give the secret password to the big Italian guy and only then are you allowed to proceed and receive the sacred press pass. The first day was mainly for business and the fans were allowed to come in the next day. As compared to the Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo that I go to, this Expo dwarfed it in shear size. There was a barrage of imagery, with sizable booths from juggernauts like Adam and Eve, Jules Jordan Video, Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground, Fleshlight, and Fyre TV. If daytime is the expo, nighttime is definitely the fun stuff… parties.

People need to be entertained and the people in this industry are no different. My first party at my first AVN was at the Erotic Heritage Museum in the Déjà Vu.  It was there that I beheld the first dildo (which was a stone), the first peep show (which was a wooden box rolled on wheels with squares cut out for viewing), and many odd and erotic pieces of art. Later we went to another party, because there are about two thousand parties each night. There is no possible way you could make it to each one and enjoy it, but it’s fun trying. The parties were hosted by different adult companies, adult entertainers, and also directors. Jeff Mullen’s party was in the Venetian but before we attended, we started in the Circle Bar where I met the lovely Monica Mayhem. Then our troop moved up the escalator to Mullen’s party at Pallazo. We had Joanne from the Free Speech Coalition, the crew from Striptaculous, Donna, Aaron and Jess. Let me tell you about Aaron, he films for the Discovery Channel and he took my favorite picture of Tony. It turns out Aaron is not only a talented artist, but he had cancer and kicked cancer’s ass! I was so happy to meet this guy and to think, he didn’t even know if he was going to be there. Also in attendance was crazy Kiki Daire whom I met when I featured at the Lodge in Dallas and she was a trip there, too. Sunny Lane was also there and she agreed, as she so sweetly does, to take a picture with me, so I got another picture with Sunny Lane to add to my collection, sweet. Now, this is sort of what happens at the parties. You walk up to the big guy at the front and he ask for your name and then he makes sure you are on a “list” or you have a ticket then he removes the velvet rope and you go inside the club, where it is really crowded and everyone is drinking really expensive drinks. Then everyone wanders out to the lobby because there is more room out there and an impromptu party happens out there, which is more fun than the building you just got screened to go inside. The point is, if you’re with fun people, it will be a fun time no matter where you are, and since Tony knew everyone, it was always fun.

For the rest of the week I signed in the Glamour Girl Magazine booth and Stripper for me.com booth. With the fans now in full attendance, there were constant traffic jams. If there was a thong, they stopped and took pictures. If there was a pastie, they stopped and took pictures. If there was an ankle showing, they stopped and took pictures.  At one point I left the booth to co-host the Screamin O Contest with Tony. Tony, as usual, gathers a crowd when he starts talking and he had volunteers ready to fake orgasms. He had a petite, cute girl, he had an “experienced” girl, a girl with more to love, and… a guy. The contestants did their best orgasm and the winner was…. THE GUY! Yes, Pedro had the best fake orgasm of them all. Tony is good at keeping people entertained and even better at encouraging orgasms.

Never one to stop working, Tony updated his site and we recorded our weekly syndicated show “Tales From Tony Batman” on Striptaculous until about four in the morning, then we were up and on the expo floor the following morning by eleven. Now, something to mention is that in our daily pilgrimage to the convention floor we fought with the onslaught of people. Not just people, but clueless people. I walked in a straight line and kept myself as streamline trying to slice through the crowd with as little drag as possible and like a shark out of the abyss someone would come at me at mach four with a with the determination of a line backer, arms swinging like a gorilla, and I would  move in order to avoid being shouldered. Is there some sort of course that they teach in Vegas, like how to bowl a small girl over in a convention storm 101? We finished up the day, as well as the week, with a photo shoot at about 11 o’clock in the Penthouse suite at the MGM with the one and only Martin. After the shoot we went downstairs for, are you ready for this? Two cheeseburgers, large fries and a coke at McDonalds!! Yes, I ate a cheeseburger and it was great! Andy from Private Dancer Magazine and Steve Nelson of AI News joined us in our eating frenzy and made for some hilarious conversation. I had a blast! That’s how we did it rockstar style at my first year at the AVN/AEE, ladies and gentlemen.

Tony was lying on the bed while I was packing things up in the bathroom. He was watching the news as they reported about the “black ice” that was covering half of the northeast and killing about five people, and he called out to me, “Hey where are we heading to?” I answer, “Pittsburgh”. “Oh” he says, “That’s nice. That’s where all that black ice is.”

You know not many people know this in the feature industry business, but this is the time of year where you have to watch the weather channel before you get to your gig to figure out if you can really make it there or not. This is not like school where you have “make-up snow days”. No, it’s more like FedEx because you absolutely, positively HAVE to be there. Like a soothsayer, the television reported of the blizzard that was to come by the end of the week and like a psychotic madman we jumped into our trusty work horse and head straight for it.

We got to the hotel and it was about twenty degrees. The bellman threw our bags on to the cart with as much finesse as a bull in a china shop. I looked at his paper thin jacket and I asked “Aren’t you cold?” “Yeah, I am, but you get used to it” he responded. Since we pulled in the same day as the booking started, we headed over to the club. Blush is also a historic old hotel, so it has an elevator from the 1920’s, with a cage and an up and down person, guy, bellman thing. We cruised down the time machine to do the first show, which rocked because Mr. Rainmaker Rodney was there. It’s like being in a snow globe when he is around. Now Rodney is a great customer and he has such a fun time tipping, but you would think that after all of these years of doing that he would realize one thing and that is when he makes it rain, half of the money ends up on the floor. There is a technique to this and that is to throw the money at the back of the stage then it ends up landing in the middle.  If you throw the money at the front of the stage, it lands on the floor, simple paper aerodynamics. But I love all the guys who try.  Before we headed out that night I checked my schedule for the rest of the week. Mon.-Thur. had show times, then I got to Friday. Next to Friday it simply said ALL DAY. For those of you that don’t know, when this is posted, which it hardly ever is, it means you will be chained to the club all day and beaten without food or water. Not really, but you’re not leaving…ALL DAY.

The day of Five Show Friday arrived and we were prepared. If you are going to lock us up in a club all day, then we will need two things… guns and Greygoose. We held up two bell men that day, but they had little money. It was the day of their Christmas Party so there was ample food all day. The club brought me two pieces of cake, which Tony promptly ate. Our trusty assistance, Rich brought us some fixins for the greygoose and some food from the party. He also brought in an extra space heater for our room saying, “I know you guys are from the south. I figured you weren’t used to the cold here.” We finished out Five Show Friday having only held up two bellmen, one waitress and a delivery boy.

Saturday, the blizzard slammed into the northeast dropping about twenty inches, but the gods were kind and spared us. The storm just missed Pittsburgh however Philadelphia was hit hard leaving fellow feature performer and porn start Monica Mayhem unable to finish her gig or fly out. What a difference a couple of miles makes. As we closed the night and finished our gig, Rich our assistant brought in the best Christmas present ever… a pizza! Because we didn’t eat bad enough the day before, we continued on this winning streak with finishing the pizza before we passed out for the night. Sunday morning the snow was still on the ground, but we were off to Florida for our Christmas vacation and nothing was going to keep us from that. We were going to sled through to the south no matter what. After Christmas vacation, our New Years Week will be in Baton Rouge at the Gold Club, by the way, that’s also in the south so…let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Okay, so this club is part of the Fantasy Showclub chain, which means boys and girls who follow the blogs (that’s both of you) that this club is a sister club to the one in Long Beach. Recall the leopard print RV dressing room. We walk in and the club is spacious and nice, plus they had festive holiday decorations and then the dressing room….was the office. No big deal, except for, things kept coming up that they needed to do in the office, well, like office work. “Could I get to that drawer?”, “I need to batch out, I’ll just be a minute”, “Let me fire this person and then you can get dressed for the next show”. Now I must tell you, I was promised a glorious, golden star on the outside of the door dressing room, which was under construction, when I come back.

One of the first things you would notice going into this club was the house girls. When you put that many women together, you either hate each other or you get along great…and you figure that out pretty quick. The Pony had the best girls I have seen across the country when it comes to welcoming the feature. There was a petite dancer with a beautiful behind that Tony noticed, of course, and she wanted a poster so I gave her one and signed it. Check out this teamwork, she brought over about fifteen guys after that all of whom bought posters.  Despite the fact that I was only there a few days, the ladies really helped out and turned  what could have been an okay time, to an extraordinary time.

Normally when I travel the hotels have some sort of fitness center inside, however this one did not, but they DID have a free membership to the gym down the street. The Riviera gym was pretty cool, except for at five o’clock all the meat heads come in and won’t leave you alone. In the gym there was a tanning bed and in this tanning bed there was to be a Schevelle, only I had to get past the guy at the front desk first. I said, “Hey I see you have tanning beds. What does one session cost?” The guy says, “Oh…ONE session. I don’t know if we can do one session. I mean we never turn it on for ONE time, we only do sessions by the tens and hundreds.” Okay, so maybe we wasn’t that ridiculous, but not far from it. He followed this with, “Well, if you come in and I’m here, I’ll let you in.” “Okay” I said, “What time are you here?” “Five in the morning.” “Yeah, um, I go to bed about that time so I’ll have to take my chances.”  I came in the next day, different guy, no charge, no problem.

As usual, the d.j. determines significantly how well you do on stage. Dap, short for Dapper, knocked it out of the park with Tony. At one point the decibal level in the club changed noticeably and I looked around to find that everyone was up and screaming with enthusiasm. Tony, even without a cordless mic, acted as if an orchestra conductor and maneuvered the crowd with Dap into a frenzy of excitement. We need this Alabama spirit in every club. Now this would be an extraordinary story if only it contained these single occurrences, but wait…there’s more.

With all of the gossip surrounding Tiger Woods in regards to women being paid to stay quiet or paid for their sexual service to him, I began to ponder a question. How much would you take to fuck Tiger Woods, OOOORRRRRR how much would you take for Tiger to fuck you? I asked only men because half of the fun was watching the negotiating that goes on in their head as they contemplate the answer. I picked a number and asked “So would you fuck Tiger Woods for two million dol….” “YES!” (no hesitation) “Okay, would you fuck Tiger Woods for one mil…” “YES!” “Alright, would you let Tiger Woods fuck you for one mil…..” “Shit, I’ll buy him dinner before.” Forget all the polls and questionnaires CNN or MSNBC do on the pulse of the economy. I think they could just ask that one question and get all the information that they need about the state of our economy.

I sat in the “dressing room”/office putting away my make-up, and packing up my bag on the last night. We were trying to get out before the club closed to avoid the mass exodus at five AM, which we didn’t. This was by far, the best week we had in a while. We did very well financially as well as having a great time with the all the staff and entertainers. This is indeed, a rare theme not found in all clubs. So when converging on this strange land of Alabama and collecting yet another Pony in my belt, I was stunned at the gusto and zeal I found there. In summation, knowing that I am a Longhorn, people would ask me “So are you going to say ‘Roll Tide’?” My thought was When hell freezes over, and while hell is still really, really hot, the last night I found myself on stage being persuaded (forced by a certain emcee who will remain nameless, but his name rhymes with Shony Skatman) saying “Roll Tide, Roll.”

Read al the stories in the column on www.tonybatman.com and www.gstringchronicles.com